Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A Sudden Resurgence of Religion and Faith

As of recently I've been compelled to read the Bible . . .

I haven't read in at least 10 years . . .

The problem isn't the reading . . . it's the fact that I can 't seem to place the reason for this sudden urge to get into the Word . . .

Or maybe I'm still wrestling with denial . . .

Question: How do you deal when your soulmate can't love you back? Not won't, can't . . .

Perhaps I should explain . . .

I've watched a mere acquaintanceship evolve into . . . something. Imagine if you will a relationship that isn't a serious or romantic relationship, but is more than a friendship . . . like an agape friendship, if there is such a thing.

AND NO, sex is NOT a part of this . . .

The last time I checked, people called that true love . . . but then again, I wouldn't know.

The only thing I can equate this to, and the reason I've been out of my gourd for the past three to five months is the fact that I feel the same around this "significant other" as I do when I engage myself spiritually . . .

Is God truly telling me something or am I hallucinating?

The reason I ask is because this "significant other" insists that they "don't want a relationship". But then again isn't a friendship a relationship?

Like I said I wouldn't be buggin' but even this other person has felt the stirring of spirit . . .

Is it possible that one hardened heart will destroy the beauty that awaits?

I guess I should know better because they can't even take a compliment from me without buggin' out . . . but then again I have my theories . . . but something just doesn't feel right about this state of denial we are in . . . even more ironic is the progress we make when we are alone . . . but even that has a rational explanation that I will not disclose out of respect.

We've been spending more and more time apart and in a way it's good but I miss the closeness I share with this person. Even more bizarre is the stirring still happens, regardless of physical distance or interaction . . .

My faith in God won't let me walk away from this but my logical side looks at the timeline and says the clock is running out . . .

My biggest fear is that this person won't be in my life for very much longer and I'm not the type that would live the rest of my natural life wondering what might have been. Likewise this person fears that their death might spin me out of control, not knowing that the growing distance combined with my fear is the recipe for disaster . . .

And then I remember the stirring and it all seems to make sense . . .

As of recent I've decided to put all hope, faith, and belief into this, despite what this "significant other" says. Everything happens for a reason, so I have to keep going . . .

It's a good thing that a broken heart is the hardest thing to break . . .