How to Leap . . .

I've been studying my life . . . again . . .



I've reached more of an understanding of myself and the world around me during the past six months of my life . . . the reasons why for everything are becoming more manifest and I feel that this understanding is leading me to another plateau of enlightenment.



As I gathered this information I found a sad truth . . . our desperate need for social reform and a resurgence of moral aptitude in our society.



I wonder about the apathy of my generation, myself included . . . and a conversation regarding the difference and validity of Communism vs. Socialism has increased not only my awareness but my conviction regarding the state of our nation.



I wonder about the general attitude of our society regarding the acquirement of wealth and the reckless abandon by which we are encouraged to undertake this task.



For most of us, the instruction we receive from our parents is wrong. The mindset that they instill is more a form of manipulation to ensure their own financial security. The problem is that they themselves do not invest the proper amount of revenue to ensure a profitable yield from this investment. Moreover they expect this investment to overtake their own income, relying solely on the accrued revenue from said investment. This is both logical and fiscally impossible.



Socially, this manifests itself in a peculiar neurotism. This goes beyond the notion of "friendly competition" and becomes an elaborate game of manipulation and "playing favorites". This too is further encouraged by parental units' readiness to ask if acquaintances "give gas money". The ones that do are accepted and the child is further encouraged to be in constant company of said acquaintances, regardless of core moral aptitude.

Yes, it's true that we can blame the economy but in the end it's up to the individual, but that simple choice is being taken away, only to be replaced by the positive reinforcement of petty behavior and greed . . .

The irony is there for all to see, should we unveil our eyes . . .

A Sudden Resurgence of Religion and Faith

As of recently I've been compelled to read the Bible . . .

I haven't read in at least 10 years . . .

The problem isn't the reading . . . it's the fact that I can 't seem to place the reason for this sudden urge to get into the Word . . .

Or maybe I'm still wrestling with denial . . .

Question: How do you deal when your soulmate can't love you back? Not won't, can't . . .

Perhaps I should explain . . .

I've watched a mere acquaintanceship evolve into . . . something. Imagine if you will a relationship that isn't a serious or romantic relationship, but is more than a friendship . . . like an agape friendship, if there is such a thing.

AND NO, sex is NOT a part of this . . .

The last time I checked, people called that true love . . . but then again, I wouldn't know.

The only thing I can equate this to, and the reason I've been out of my gourd for the past three to five months is the fact that I feel the same around this "significant other" as I do when I engage myself spiritually . . .

Is God truly telling me something or am I hallucinating?

The reason I ask is because this "significant other" insists that they "don't want a relationship". But then again isn't a friendship a relationship?

Like I said I wouldn't be buggin' but even this other person has felt the stirring of spirit . . .

Is it possible that one hardened heart will destroy the beauty that awaits?

I guess I should know better because they can't even take a compliment from me without buggin' out . . . but then again I have my theories . . . but something just doesn't feel right about this state of denial we are in . . . even more ironic is the progress we make when we are alone . . . but even that has a rational explanation that I will not disclose out of respect.

We've been spending more and more time apart and in a way it's good but I miss the closeness I share with this person. Even more bizarre is the stirring still happens, regardless of physical distance or interaction . . .

My faith in God won't let me walk away from this but my logical side looks at the timeline and says the clock is running out . . .

My biggest fear is that this person won't be in my life for very much longer and I'm not the type that would live the rest of my natural life wondering what might have been. Likewise this person fears that their death might spin me out of control, not knowing that the growing distance combined with my fear is the recipe for disaster . . .

And then I remember the stirring and it all seems to make sense . . .

As of recent I've decided to put all hope, faith, and belief into this, despite what this "significant other" says. Everything happens for a reason, so I have to keep going . . .

It's a good thing that a broken heart is the hardest thing to break . . .

Coincidence

OK . . . there's definitely been a glich in the Matrix . . .

Howo do you process a seemingly endless need to go back to the beginning . . . with life seemingly falling backwards through time to a certain time . . .

As if this were Quantum Leap but the life I time travel through, linearly at that, was mine?

Kinda freaky, right . . . but that's the best way I can explain it . . .

This is all getting really cerebreal . . . really quick . . . but I kinda like it . . .

So what is the right action now?

What 's the next move?

How do I stay perfect?

Truth is . . .

There is no right action . . .

There is no next move . . .

You merely do not doing.